Saturday 29 December 2012

Happy 19 Prateek!







I seriously don’t know where to start from. Prateek Jain, you have been the best friend for all of us! You understand each one of us. It’s because of you that we all are still fighting, still gossiping, still laughing at past jokes and still building some great memories. Thank You for always being there.
 I have never seen a guy whom nobody hates; I have never seen a guy who hates nobody. It’s rare. You are rare. And I am in no way going to lose you. The bhaii-behan relationship is just to ensure that we remain best friends forever and ever. And my future husband has nothing to be jealous of except that you will be living a handsome 60 and he will be all wrinkly and worn out!  Haha!
We all loved Mrs Laghate for her sarcasm, didn’t we?
Eeeeeeee PRATeek! The relationship we guys share with you is of pure love and selflessness. There is no ego, no negativity nothing. I don’t know how you do it but my mood swings for good whenever I think of you. 
Be you always! Be the Prateek we all are so fond of.  Happy Nineteen Prateek!


With loads of LOLness
Paridhi


Friday 21 December 2012

AUTO CORRECT: SU'A'RBHI


...felt the picture perfect for the article below ;)

This one is for you Surbhi...

Okay firstly I am so sorry for peaking into those private pages of your life. I definitely need to grow up as you have written in one of your entries. Yeah I read it. Damn, I can be so awful at times. I reread that letter I once wrote to you; can you do me a favor? Just burn it and flush it! It was so mean of me, although I did make a point which I felt was right at that time but I could have done it in a better way. Curse my tongue! I seriously want to apologize.
I constantly remind you about the days I hate you, the things I hate about you, the specific habits I just can’t adjust with but I forget to mention that sometimes I do miss sharing room with you. I don’t even like that bag now, for which I fought with you in school and didn't talk for almost a week. I forget to tell you that even I have realized, this laptop lies dead mostly these days, which you must have already noticed yet kept quiet. Thanks! Pardon me for never admitting what a blessing you are for me Surbhi, keeping in mind my widely famous mood swings. I am just too jealous of you that you keep your life so balanced. It annoys me to see you so happy. I hate to confront those tear-less eyes while I keep crying for trivial issues.
Of course along with me being a kid, it’s us being the same age that created problems. But we have grown up. I have grown up; at least enough to realize mistakes later on. I really wish life had an undo button. But it doesn't. I made mistakes but I can’t erase them now. All I can do is create a new memory for you and for me. Love you sissy!

Pakhi


PS:  I really liked that line surbhi, if I interpreted it right, where you wrote that despite all the madness i am      born with you cant help caring about me. aaahh! Guess when its family, we have no other option but to love  unconditionally. :) 

Friday 14 December 2012

Just Say It




Here I am happy and content, at least at the moment. For I have learnt the easiest way to do away with allthe stupid thoughts; thoughts that eat up your mind and keeps you in pain for a relatively long span.

I am not a diplomat so it becomes really hard for me to maintain a healthy relationship with people who don’t know me from the start or I would always need a responsible mutual friend who can take care of the situation as and when required. I speak my mind, that’s what I have been doing since the day I learnt the fact that mind thinks. I am not saying I am always right. I am human; I may have totally opposite thoughts on two different days about the same situation, it’s your luck which day you mess up with me.  haha!
I have been friends with a lot of people recently. Random people. College people. Friends friends. From some I got attached, while some got attached to me. But after school, it was on me how to take care of my relationships. There was no person telling me or guiding me or cheering me up! So while I made many friends, I lost quite a number. It was not easy, that phase, but it was all learning.
I learnt that instead of cooking up some stupid thought, or making a conclusion about someone, it’s better to talk to that person rather than someone else because the mutual friend may not be mature enough. I learnt that the bond you are making right now is not that strong even if your mind think it is, and therefore a slightest bit of mistake can break it. I learnt that talking to a stranger does help because of the comfort he gives or the consoling words but only for a short period. If you simply discuss things with the person you think you have problem with, by letting your ego go, your mind will be a damn better place for other activities.
And I am happy learning all that. While what’s gone is gone, there is still more to come and more to learn.


Pakhi
(Mad girl who definitely thinks A LOT :P ) 




Monday 10 December 2012

just another stray dog...
It just depends on the way you see it, isn't it ?    

Sunday 25 November 2012

Believing YOUrself

‘Too often the thing you want most in life is the one you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be. The people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want.’ – Grey’s Anatomy

I pondered over this for a long time. I questioned myself what I wanted? Is photography really the field I want to make my career in? Or will I be happy with any other creative option irrespective of earning low? But what do I mean when I say ANY? I keep nagging about my life; that I don’t deserve a B grade engineering college. I don’t deserve being fat. I don’t deserve being single. I deserve better. But better what? 
Believe me I was blank! After recapping my life, I realized I wasn’t happy because whenever I made a decision it was more or less pressurized if not forced. I was a weakling and wasn’t sure of myself; what If I fail? What if things don’t go as expected? Frankly I was scared of the pointing fingers. Since the day I opted PCM and then BE, I have seen myself going weaker emotionally each passing day. Yes PCM was my decision, only because I was unaware of the other possibilities. I blame myself for not searching much and planning it up. Despite realizing my capabilities and my will towards the subject soon after the term started, I kept preparing for IIT JEE because dad said, “Develop interest! Develop interest! Develop it!”  And I just couldn’t give a strong front and began crying. The story ended when I enrolled myself in Medicaps in 2011, giving four more years for developing interest which hasn’t seemed to develop yet.
Second time when I tried strongly to take up this issue, I overheard mom-dad discussing, “She wants to surrender. Each time she is under the pressure of exam, she comes up with some silly interest. She is not consistent with her aim.” That was it. That was when I thought I had lost it forever. They love me and want me to get a good husband; hence they are making a beautiful package out of me for Jain matrimonial site.
I remember, I used to be this strong Leo girl drinking in all the tears, focused, confident and easy going. Now I find myself crying even with a slight scolding form dad; especially dad; and I don’t want to blame the poor age alone! Although yesterday, while one of my crying sessions, a good thing happened. I understood the biggest mistake I have been committing. Each time I retaliated I didn’t have self assurance myself because I lacked the proper planning and research! That is the reason I ended up crying. For once I even believed dad that yes it’s indeed the exam fever that made me search for an excuse to skip them.
Yesterday happened for good. I have promised myself to return to my old form; to reply confidently when someone makes fun of the way I look or the way I speak or dress; to make small commitments and stick with them. I promised that the next time I am going to talk about my future with my parents, I will be confident enough to make them believe in me. And even if they fear of me taking the risk, I will stick to my choice.
All I need to do now is to chalk out a plan considering all the plausible possiblities.It’s not that once I am in my field, I will be satisfied with the low earning or bad performance. Never! Satisfaction is practically impossible.
But i will be atleast happy trying to achieve heights in what I believe I can; in what I have interest in.

Pakhi
26.11.2012



Sunday 18 November 2012

Realizations this Diwali


Okay! Been a long time I typed something. Here is how I celebrated Diwali.

I realized that mom and dad have grown old. Dad’s accident added to the aging has made him more or less dependent. Also the trait that comes in his genes of repeatedly explaining every little thing makes it hard for anybody to work with him peacefully. Mom being a lady with high self esteem has great expectations. How much ever I try to cope with her, it gets harder and harder.

I realized what a great help she was; my big sister. She could help dad with the outside work and at the same time Mom in the kitchen while I would be one couch potato with a book in hand making the typical excuse of studying.

I realized that despite all the fights I have with my cousin, staying at our place, she has become an integral part of my life. Her absence was felt this Diwali.

I realized that I am going through a lot of changes within. I have turned out to be an emotional fool in my way of becoming an independent practical woman. I cry frequently, I get these terrible mood swings. Whenever possible, I find my way out of the crowd.

I realized that I took some of my worst decisions 2 years back despite knowing my capabilities. It will take 2 more years to have an engineering degree in my hand and finally letting myself free for the future in photography and reel-ated fields.

I realized that although I didn’t give importance to things like “peace of inner soul”, “om shaanti”, for I thought these are for the cowards, they matter a lot to shape up your thoughts; especially in age like this.

I realized that all this while my thoughts have matured. Whatever happened I have learnt from it. I realized that may be staying in Indore was a good decision after all. Because I was a kid at heart until few days back, who couldn't have survived if it wasn't my family and friends.


PS: I don’t have to mention this but I love my mom and dad. It’s just the side effects of aging which no cream can cure, and my end teens that it is becoming hard to blend in at the moment.  






"Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.“ – Earl Wilson 




2 dice in my room, a white sheet, and sunlight! :) 

Wednesday 31 October 2012

a page from college life


Note : No hard feelings for anyone. Fact of college life one realizes sooner or later.

31st Oct, 2012
Wednesday
Room alone

Quiet a week. Third semester midsem exams over and I am failing in all yet again!  Feels like an achievement now. I remember that girl who cried when she couldn’t crack Bitsat and promised herself that she would score the best in her batch if she ends up in a B grade engineering college; only to find that it doesn’t matter altogether. Indeed you are savvy enough if you bunk those boring classes and sit at home; read a book of your taste or watch those pending movies. 
 All you get here is a bunch of aimless, confused, and jobless persons as your friends with whom first year definitely seems incredible fun. Alas! As the third semester approaches, the frequent bunking and going to nearby food stations, the local train journeys, the talks and gossips all seem to become a part of the boring college routine. The worst case being when you yourself become ‘the gossip’.  
It’s so funny that day by day nothing appears to change but when you look back you realize the unplanned college mess you belong to now; you start hating the person they turned you into; you start detesting the fact that you let them degrade you.
But believe me it’s never too late! All you need to do is find the place you got lost from, search for the right path and follow it. The cuts and bruises being the symbol for the learning you had while wandering in the jungle.
I, a second year engineering student of a B grade college have gone through it all and survived it. I still loathe that random urge I get to justify myself. But the question is to whom? And then I find myself sitting quietly in my room; making an entry on the laptop; thanking my family and friends for just being there.

pakhi




Saturday 27 October 2012


Theme : Capturing Indore


Subah uthkar garam garam poha jalebi nahi khaaya toh kya khaaya... 




I believe i did mention about my love for photography. Clicked this in one of the photowalks in Rajwadha, Indore. I just love this country for its colors! The vibrant colors people wear have some magical effect. They make everything look so beautiful and lively!

Friday 26 October 2012

from saali to jiju...

It was jijus first birthday as my sisters husband and i just couldn't be more grateful to this person who has kept her past so safe and made her present so beautiful... 
Here is a letter i wrote to him.

Happy Birth Day!

Jijaji, Jiju, J!!! I thought of many names! I would practice saying it loud. I found it so funny, the way it is pronounced. Although took time but phew; finally got comfortable with the word as well as the person! A new member in the family, a new guardian for didi, a new relationship, it was all so new! But jiju we are glad you are there!
I really respect you for how you took all her problems as yours. How patiently you have helped her get over her mood swings. Of course at times she gets all fidgety and nervous and irritated but I am glad you are there for her. It took you no time to win our hearts; I see the glitter in moms and dads eyes when they watch their daughter so happily married!
We all love you for being you. So simple and planned! So full of energy and liveliness! Although didi is an unbeatable chatterbox and loud speaker, haha, we all love how light you make the atmosphere look. I always feared if she would get married to a family where they followed all customs and traditions, where aunties and uncles are strict and whenever I meet her I would be required to touch their feet and sit poker faced. But naah! It was such a delight to see what a zippy and peppy family she got married into.  What a loving and caring husband she got, just as she wanted.
Thank you for keeping her so happy and safe. Jiju (haha, look how comfortably I say it now) we are glad to have you as a part of her and our family! A very happy birthday once again!


pakhi

Friday 19 October 2012

Game of Priorities


                                                           
18th Oct,2012
Dads 53rd bday
Family gathering
Feelings of love, anger, possessiveness which I felt yesterday surprised me and left me in tears.  Her marriage, her love for her husband, her new family has in no way changed her but changed her priorities for sure. Suddenly I felt like I lost the right to have a command over her life coz there was already someone for the same. I couldn’t gather the courage to ask her to stay with me the other night coz even if she would have stayed; she was theirs no matter what.
There is this saying in Hindi ‘beti shaadi k baad paraai hojaati hai’, well for me ‘meri didi paraai ho gai’. While she was in Hyderabad I never missed her so badly like I do now. Because then just the distances separated us but now it’s not merely the distance! It’s more than that. It’s slipping away of all those tantrums you could throw on her earlier. It’s missing those demands you could put on her without thinking. It’s buying me this dress from her salary. It’s closing the room and talking endlessly about things going on in life. It’s so many little things that constantly reminded me that I was her first priority back then. 
I kept wondering for a long time after that sudden filmy attack I got. Thanks to the radio for playing songs totally fit for the situation. Did mummy go through the same when mausi got married? Is it the same story for all the younger siblings?  Soon she will have a family to take care of and priorities will keep changing.

Does all this thinking mean I am emotional or too practical?

Pakhi 

Thursday 15 March 2012

ME and MY CLIENT- we go formal


16th May, 2013

It was café palette. My friend and I were doing a project together and waiting for our clients to arrive. I was pretty cool at start, just worried about how much to charge them. Didi did help me in the morning making my price sheet, chalking out the possible marketing schemes and making PARIDHI JAIN|PHOTOGRAPHY a brand. So I was determined to charge some random 10k for our first big project.

The meeting started with the owner of a beverage factory shaking hands with DB and me. We literally had to get up as he arrived with his thick Black Diary and a parker pen tucked to its hardcover. We discussed a few details and he showed us his product which we were required to shoot. We waited for the designer of the bottle, who was supposed to be our lead here. A lady with red streaks, a nice figure and a pretty good smile entered and as a ritual all three stood up again and shook hands. After introducing who is who to the girl she asked us, “So guys show me your work.”

Hehe. Errr. What bey. WE thought you have already seen it on that FB page of mine and contacted me. Although I managed to say that, my inner self sighed for it’s been one year and I haven’t spent a penny on few of the most important things to start a business in photography. I had no business cards to give to people. I had no portfolio to show them my work. They shook their heads saying, "a no they haven’t " and emphasizing that they would like to see our work first. (Well obviously!) But I had nokia E5 and DB BB which was of no good to show our pictures there and then. I drowned in more into my pool of negative thoughts.  

We ordered 3 café frappe’s and an omelet sandwich mean while. By the time it arrived she started to shatter my confidence even more. Her authoritative skills was to admire about although I detested the over demanding nature. She was one of those blabber kinds, but I accepted that too considering the two had been involved with their bottle designing and more for the past two years. She constantly kept bugging me with her question whether we would be able to do what she expected or not; Keeping in mind all the details she wanted from us, one part of my brain was asking me to increase the price up to 15k or even more and the other side kept thinking practically if I could actually manage to do a table top photography which I had no experience of. Only I knew it required great deal of lights and flashes; and I had none!  

The order arrived, I was happy even if at the end we declined to do this, we were getting a free coffee. No I wasn’t really happy. She asked me which camera I owned. I replied faithfully to which she reacted like, haww will that be enough! I was like bitch, what do you know about photography!?  Then came the worst answer, something you should never ever say to a SINCERE photographer! “My friend has this 2lakh camera and her results are awesome as compared to mine”

Purposefully wrote the sincere in Caps for I don’t want to include every tom dick and harry who are increasing at a great pace these days and for every random click they have their watermark reading TOMDICKHARRY|PHOTOGRAHY written in the most atrocious font.

Now she had to end it; End scrolling down her i-phone to show me a friend’s click form that 2lakh S.O.B.. I gave her a bold answer which every photographer (sincere) must! Madame (bitch) it’s not just camera, it’s also lights and lens! And it’s also people with an eye to click! Phew I felt like one feels when he pisses after holding it for a really long time. Finally she ended questioning my skills and cheering us up by telling her experience designing the bottle and that she was no girl with a designer degree. She read a lot and finally came up with this cute little bottle for the company. Both DB and me nodded and sipped our frappes while she stirred the cream in her glass to make it thicker.

For few peaceful minutes it was she talking to her friend and me to mine.  Our chat ended but they still continued, finally the meeting was coming to an informal shocking ending. Shocking because I just overheard the phrase ‘my husband’ in her friendly chit chat with the guy. Oops so the girl with red streaks and a cool apparel was a woman, AGE- 29! WOW! Kudos!  

We shook hands again and left. Remember we didn’t pay the bill! We didn’t have to ask them to give us a treat or to fight as to who will pay; we didn’t have to divide the money in four or to come home in guilt for not contributing. It was simple. We were in a meeting and they were our clients who wanted our services. So they pay. As simple as that!

At 19,
Pakhi