Thursday 18 July 2013

How it is for him

*read till the last para, coz' that has best described my life*

Having a non business minded person in family and that too your own dad is such a setback for your fresh mind bubbling with ideas. You wouldn't know what negative aspect he may bring next and your happiness factor will be slashed down to half. He is a very good critic; he analyses well and gives an honest opinion. Only most of the time, he forgets to elaborate on the positive points. It’s not that he is not supportive about my art; he lets me have my freedom, but when it comes to asking for compliments from dad, or a little help concerning my work, he doesn't seem that enthusiastic.

Lately one incident took place and I so wished I had not asked him to drop me at my clients. By the time I reached her place I was hot and red with anger and tears. Lack of patience, lack of understanding as to why the need to show your availability to your clients, lets him speak anything without realizing it’s hurting me deep. I don’t want to do an unsatisfactory job and leave an unsatisfied client. I wish I could explain him this; instead I always get “It’s no use arguing with you.” remark.

It’s not that he is worried about me spending so much, indeed he questions me sometimes why the need to charge so much from a client and asks me to focus on learning right now. See, there it is. It’s the non business mind speaking.  At first even I found it tough to price my work but then you have to, if you want to make your art your career; there is no other option.

I have been so upset for the last few days. Getting irritated by people around, crying off in room, not talking properly to family members, being annoyed at little things, shouting unnecessarily; facing all those mood swings after a long time. Although thankfully crying for career related issues increases your own importance in your life.

Same as my dad even I am not a marketing person, but I do want to spend these 2 years improvising the same. I feel I have moved ahead, at least from where I started. I read this book about a young entrepreneur and how he faced ‘annu aunty and opened a million dollar company’, so much of it is true for any youth in India, so much of it is my story. There are some teachings at the end of it; one of them says do not let your parents be a part of your business idea until you have done it big.

I am determined to do it big. You know I have lived those days back in school when I wanted to be a part of IITs and IIMs, unaware of where my interest lies; only to make everyone proud. Then there came a phase in my life where I accepted life as it is and wished no more but a happy married life. But now, I have entered a stage where I am doing what I love to and firm about my decision; where I want to achieve heights and leave a mark; where I am not blaming anyone because it’s solely my choice and where I am happy.

Pakhi





Tuesday 16 July 2013

Happy Birthday DIDI



I don’t want to sound cheesy but I do want to say how much I love you and miss you. I can’t ‘awww’ much or send the e-kiss in form of ‘muaaaaah’ but I do want to wish a very cheerful and dramatic (in a good way) HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.  

I really love to have you as my elder sister, a friend, a guide and a big support. I do get irritated and may shout at times when you act like mummy but at the end I realize although you don’t stop me and even ask mom dad not to but you always sow in my heart a tiny little seed of wisdom to choose between right and wrong. And probably that is the reason my life has been an easy go most of the times.

I feel so happy to see you happy. Big thanks to jiju for that.  I have seen your crying days; and I love you so much that although I wouldn’t talk to you face to face, but I would cry alone and wanted to beat all those who made you feel so sick. You have been there for me always. Sometimes more than I have been for myself.  Times I lost all hope in me; you were there to show me the doors.  That’s more than being just didi. The sweetest part was and is, you cry for mistakes that are not even yours. You cry for us.

You are a wonderful person. A little over sensitive but we also need your kinds to make us feel so good. Otherwise one would die of the extreme practical nature of today’s world. May the almighty keep you happy and safe. May he doesn't do any more mistakes like he did when he forced an year old child to wear specs.  

Love you cutie pie :P
Yours only
Poodle



Being us is so awesome! :D 

Wednesday 10 July 2013

I dont know what to Title IT.

I can’t FAKE it out.  It’s so hard for me to pretend I like a person when I don’t. Suppose I am out with a group of people, may be everybody likes everybody or maybe they have a problem with somebody but will still make it look normal on surface.
ME, I don’t have a surface! Whatever is in heart is served right there on the plate. I take the help of my best buddy, silence, in such situations although it makes it look so obvious. I don’t understand why the need to pretend?  First that person isn’t of any help to you, neither does he entertain you, (I am not being selfish or mean); just because stupid manners say you should be polite and humble one should fake? But don’t the same rules say something about honesty as well?
Anyway cut the crap. I wish I could simply shout at him for his irritating habit. Only because she told me not to otherwise IT will LEAVE A BAD IMPRESSION, I kept quiet, reallllly quiet. Shush quiet.

Did I tell you my mom is on FACEBOOK now? She is also practicing to speak fluent ENGlish. Plus she is doing pretty well in it, maintaining a regular diary, getting it checked by a teacher in bus, before that asking me to review it for any mistakes which I am so not allowed to correct with a red pen or else my 46 year old mom would jump into a 4 year old kid. It’s so cool you know. But the highlight is she is on Facebook. Suddenly dad also became active. Then came request from my aunt and cousin sisters (all married and mummies of big kids). In competition and complex, all the elderly people in my family are coming on facebook. It’s a nightmare. You can’t block them all, their children seem to be in our friend list, you can’t accept their friend request, god NO! You can’t be partial also by adding the modern papas and mummies of the family. One has to deal with it with intense care, selecting the right privacy settings, no NV status updates, they can be a blunder, No pictures chipkoying with guy friends, a big NO to that. Don’t be surprised when your mom’s inbox is flooded with messages talking about you, your pictures and of course that typical line, “kitni badhi hogai hai Pakhi.” Oh.my. god.

Recently I have come over that teenagish tickle I felt when a hot guy talked to me. NO I haven’t turned gay. I just feel more confident than before. It’s good, isn’t it?  What happened, where it happened, with whom it happened, how I drew this conclusion, every single detail will be shared when I feel like elaborating on that, as of now, I have thought to write under the title, ‘serendipity’.

Okay that’s about it for this post...

Signing off Curious minds


Pakhi





Friday 5 July 2013

A lot of learning there


Stepping into the world of business will make you go crazy at the initial stage. Eventually as it starts working, as your idea finds a market and as you start making profit along with a lot of ups and downs, you start enjoying the fun part of it. Since right now I am a no body in this field, I shall talk about the hard ships. I don’t know how successful a person I will turn out to be (although I hope and believe to be one soon), I am writing about the failures and the little wins, about getting ditched and also finding that one supportive person, about the happiness of newly found independence and the pangs of loneliness.

I took a metro to CP all by myself at 6 30 in the morning. It was one hour away from where I was staying. I kept calling the person who was supposed to be my teacher here. It came out of coverage area giving me the impression that he has already left. In that one hour I kept making reasons for why I got 15 min late, made up some questions to ask him during the journey - is it a baby boy or girl, shoot is going to be in a hospital, will there be enough light and so on. I reached the showroom of UCB where he told me to meet. I could see no signs of him or his car. I sat there for one more hour waiting; the sun right there on the top and in Delhi’s incredible weather conditions, empty stomach, I waited. Furious, I called up my sister that I was heading back home.

What plans I had made while in Indore and what was happening in reality, it was like a punch in my face. I shut the door of my room and started with watching FRIENDS for I guess 4- 5 hrs straight; falling for the very sitcom I didn’t have much interest in earlier; laughing loudly for the first time during a TV serial, I fell in love with Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Rachel and Joey!  I waited for his call or a message; I didn’t expect someone to be that irresponsible with a girl in the capital. Didi and jiju trying all possible ways to cheer me up took me to watch Ghaachakkar. On our way back, I called him up, shouted, he apologized giving me next day’s schedule and I hung up.  I felt better, much better.

I did attend a couple of shoots, learnt how professional the guy had become in his work, how he was majorly interested in money and how his picture captions on FB page differed from what happened in reality, how he dealt with his clients and how irresponsible he was with his intern (ME), I learnt a lot.
Had I been a guy, he would have paid more attention, coz what appeared from his blue pink side bag for camera and other stuff, he was truly a happy and gay type fellow.
Anyway, let me not go into that.

For some reason, I think, my sister felt as if she was responsible somewhere. And also because she is my over carrying and sensitive sister, she tried to find alternatives, or at least some clients so that my coming to Delhi doesn’t go in vain. But I was simply not in a mood. Part of which was because of the 43 degree Celsius which was pissing me off.

Each day I would upload pictures, every minute checking for the no. of likes, getting depressed for no or little appreciation, even on receiving an inbox from people complimenting me and asking for rates, I couldn’t smile for there was no assurance that they will turn up again.
Sitting in air conditioned room, we decided to sponsor my FB page which was a happy prospect. Also we designed my catalog and it came out beautiful.  Since I was in Delhi, and its street markets are a heaven for shopaholics, I did exactly what you are thinking.

I have ideas brimming over my head. I am pretty good at my job. I can be better, no doubt, but more importantly I want to be better in marketing my art; the only reason why many talented people are found on roads, while the ones with that evil business mind build those roads. I used the word evil. May be I will be a business woman too in near future, but business is still evil. It’s how tactfully you win over someone even when you know that he is better than you. It’s the evil art of selling your art even when you know your buyers can have a better deal somewhere else.

I long for that one person I could have talked about this and also learnt. I still miss him and don’t know the reason for not staying in e-touch, for that was the only base of our relationship. May be people change and we can't do much about it. There comes a line of self respect at some point, and one better not cross it.

The moment I decided to make my career myself, to paint my future with colors I like, I have felt independent. I like the smell of it. My family and friends have always been supportive. But you can’t discuss everything with them. In case of friends even they must be going on with something or someone, and they must be having their life issues. I have felt drifted and aloof. And like any stupid romantic novel even I wish a handsome guy must cross the way of an independent lonely girl adding fun and support to her life.  



Grown up
Pakhi