On My Own

A day more before I make my first trip to a foreign country.  Alone and on my own. Excited? You might ask. Well I am not sure until I am there sitting in the flight and ready to take-off. Only I never imagined all this will happen to me. A girl from a middle class family, always fighting for marks in school  and being a part of the competition not just academically but be it dance, debate, drawing she wanted to excel.  If I rewind the time and ask her, her dreams, you might not want to believe her.  I wanted to be an engineer and management student working in corporate just like everybody else. I wanted IIT or BITS and IIM, my dreams were big but constrained somehow. I never ever thought beyond it because well if you think beyond IIT then you are surely insane. I wanted to earn and live lavish. I never realized that was just not me. I was living what was expected out me as a student, a daughter, an Indian teenager if I may say. 

Maybe that random person who entered my life for a while changed my perspective or may be the non-happening college added to the anger that was building in me, may be the sister’s support or whatever that happened at that right time in my life, I knew I wanted to take full control of it from then on. I wanted to have my own decisions, my own failures and successes. No one to blame or to take credit. I wanted this one life to be my own. Yes I was always the one with dreams, always the one thinking too much, the one whose ideas and guts people called crazy. But see aren’t they working in the right direction now? And I am sure once I am done with this trip, I will want more. The desire of having more never stops. It’s certainly a vicious circle. 

Today I am happy. Today I am 22 and as I look back to the old me, I feel so proud of the present me. I really do love myself a lot. Like I fall for myself each day. It’s stupid to even put it like that but I really mean it. I am smiling to myself right now. Hihi! I have never been to the West, leave some famous persons biography, I have never even followed blogs of persons living there to know them closely. But through movies and sitcoms and from what I hear, the good part of letting your child go and live on his own as he enters adulthood is he finds himself. You don’t have to disown him, he will always come seek your advice and cry to you in his lows but as parents you have to take the bold step to let him go; to lose him to find himself. Indeed that’s the time your parenting is actually at test. 

My mom got married at 20 and had a child at 21 and I am 22, I won’t allow anybody to call me a kid anymore or say that my opinions and thoughts are still immature. I respect experience that comes with age but I support a radical mind as well. I want to tell my parents they have done their best, the best one can do for their kids. I can tell with full confidence that even if they set me free now, I am not deviating from who I am at the core. They have built a strong foundation in me and as I am growing I find a little bit of dad and mom in me. And that’s cool, you know?

I know it’s selfish of me to be saying this or any child to be telling this, but parents you need to let us go. Don’t emotionally black mail them. Don’t be uncertain of your parenting. Be confident and impart the same confidence in them.  The more doubts you put on them, the more they are going to hate you and not only that, yes they will certainly do something you wouldn’t approve of then. This is a fact and in case you are unaware you are being fooled. 20s is the time his personality is actually in the make, please help him to search himself. 

It’s so sad when my friends say, they don’t want to come back home to all the restrictions. They don’t want those two people to be constantly asking them why and where. We are over that age. Those questions are not for the 20s. They will prefer talking of dreams and future instead. They will prefer discussing their ideas with you and their life plans. They will like talking about their opinion on a particular movie or news piece. They will love discussing their love interests but only if you give such an open atmosphere to them. Trust me they will love you more and more importantly you will feel more loved.  Love always feels better when not asked or forced. The bond then what you will make with your kids will be the best in the world.

 

Pakhi –made by mom and dad